Gordon's Big Trip

OK, so a couple of people have now brought up "vegetarian haggis". Wikipedia describes haggis thus: "Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and simmered for approximately three hours." Haggis. Why oh why would anybody do this? Call me crazy, but it seems to me that meat (sheep's pluck no less) accompanied with suet  (i.e., raw beef/mutton fat) stuffed inside the stomach of an animal (from a different sheep perhaps?) is not exactly a prime contender for a meat-dish to be vegetarian-ized. On the other hand, Scotland is the country that invented the deep-fat Mars bar . I suppose that's what you've gotta do to remain the heart disease capital of the world! And yes, starting tomorrow, we may well have bona fide  actual trip updates on the blog.

I hear voting is a little more troublesome in Britain on November 6th (though not impossible). Apparently, there are far less voting locations open on that day in old Blighty . Honestly, if the rest of the world really believes that they should have a vote in the US election, the least they can do is make it easy to vote anywhere in the world. Henry and his homemade civil war outfit So I voted early. I did my civic duty to the absolutest fullest by ensuring at least one person in my entourage was in US historically-appropriate attire. After searching through my vast wardrobe of great US costumes, I instead settled on taking Henry along. I was most pleased to see that, in recognition of  casting my votes (or as a get-out-the-vote bribe?), that I was duly rewarded with candy. Now, that did not happen the last time I voted in Tennessee or Britain. Strangely, now that I think about it, absolutely zero people turned out dressed as...

The trip has still not started. Shucks. In the meantime, some bad news for all you round-Earthers out there: United Airlines Flight 934 (yes, the very flight that Gordon I will shortly be taking) has definitively discovered that the world is, after all, flat. The amateurish video shows the UAL 934 flight paths from the last couple of weeks. That's right, UAL 934 has proved beyond doubt that Great Circles are indeed not always the shortest distance between two places on the planet. And therefore the world must be flat (I heard someone mutter something about map projections and jet streams, but I'm sure they have no idea what they're on about). I can't really explain what the pilot was doing with that little diversion over Greenland on October 18th though. Perhaps something to do with global warming? Maybe UAL 934 will shortly explode that myth too?

This is   Imogen  ("Im-oh-jen"). She knows how to have more fun than anyone else I know. She is   not  coming on the trip. Which is just as well because she also knows how to wreak more havoc than anyone else I know.  She has no role to play in this trip, but I thought I'd throw her in as an aside since not a great deal is happening on our trip so far (you know, because the trip hasn't actually started yes). And also, her older brother gets to be in my profile picture as well as getting his face in a peer-reviewed publications at the age of five. Imogen was the 32nd most popular girls' name in Britain in 2011. It has never appeared in the top 1000 in the US. Thus she will be cursed with name mispronunciations for her entire life. Sorry about that Immy. This does not fully explain why Tennessee thought fit to list my nationality as "Ukraine" on her birth certificate (I kid you not). Upon further inquiry, the lovely Tennessee State employ...

This is Gordon. He has an alien (tumor - or "tumour" from November 1st to 12th) in his head. You can tell by the hairdo (or is that the quality of hairdressers in Los Alamos?). This is not a good thing (the tumor that is). At all. So we are going on a trip to England and Scotland. The photo is a good re-enactment of Gordon's expression after I told him about the English and Scottish weather in November. And that that Britain has just experienced its weirdest weather on record ( Scientists say so , so it must be true). Romford Market Place. There are a few less horses and cows at the market these days I hear. The trip will likely revolve around a quick drive from my home town of Romford up to Scotland, stopping along the way to see any worthwhile British sights. Let us know if you can think of any must-see sights. Romford is perhaps the largest town in Britain where absolutely nothing of great importance has ever happened and no-one of any conse...

Hello. Welcome to the blog "GordonsBigTrip". A blog about Gordon’s big trip around England and Scotland. Apparently one is not allowed to use apostrophes in the blog URL, so we shall set off on a grammatically incorrect foot. Sorry about that. I am Richard, Gordon’s translator for his 10-day whirlwind trip around England and Scotland . My principal job is to translate between American (Gordon’s native tongue) and English (the language of the locals). I am almost bilingual in American-English, though I sternly refuse to use any 21 st century English popularisms such as “ chav ” Goodness, what a horrible word. I have yet to inform Gordon that I do not speak a word of Scottish, which is a real pity since Gordon has his sights set on having a great time in Scotland. Sorry about that too. Our trip has not even vaguely started (we leave on Thursday November 1 st ), but I need practice “blogging” since I am a quasi- Luddite (I suppose I’m not a full Luddite since I don’...